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I had a “moment”

 

clockI was fortunate the other day to get an hour to run out of the house and get my nails done; I promised myself during my “wellness makeover” that once a week I would do “something” for “myself” and this week it was the nails, which I might tell you were broken and looking pretty bad from all the computer typing lol…

So I had my enjoyable moments of soaking my hands, and having someone take care of “me” for the moment and then I looked up and noticed two teenage girls standing and looking at the jewelry counter (ok, we aren’t even going to go there about a jewelry counter in a nail salon) they were obviously sisters joking as they looked in the jewelry cases and just being so sweet with each other and evidently waiting for their mom to come so that she could buy whatever their “needs” or I guess probably a high school graduation gift. Hmm, could they have been twins?

As I watched them interact with each other my heart broke for a moment; that should be my girls! Why wasn’t it my girls? My oldest just graduated college and my youngest is now 18 and should be graduating from high school. Those should me be my girls that were waiting for me to buy them their gifts… And then I took it a little further in my mind and stopped and wondered where my youngest would be going to college, would she follow her sister and go to school down south? Would she have gone through rush?

And then I looked up and remembered that’s not my life, that’s not my girl’s lives either. My eyes wallowed up with tears and I had to stop myself and remember I was here to do something “happy and fun” for myself. But that’s my life. In every glimpse I see a shadow of a “life” that I thought I was supposed to have had.

I do love my little Hadley just as she is believe me, I worry so often that something might happen to her and what would my life be without her and so I stop and just thank god that I have her and all that she has given us with her angelic smile and her contagious personality and love for life. And I know I am blessed but sometimes it’s just hard…

About shelley

Shelley Kramm is the founder and editor of I'm Still Standing and The DC Ladies. Learn more about her and her inspirational family here and connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, Google+ and on about.me.

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Comments

  1. I understand where you're coming from. When I'm feeling a little down, I just think of all the good times that I've had with my family. I know that I wouldn't be who I am today without the help of my mom and God.

  2. Isn't it amazing where we find little insights? I'm proud of you for doing something for yourself. I finally told my Hubby that I was tired of feeling frump and being so tight.

    So, I went and got my nails done and my toenails too! I'm going to continue to treat myself now and then. We need to feel special!

  3. Having a child has really taught me that it is impossible to control everything in your life and I have to learn to let go and be along for the ride. That is so hard to do though!

  4. *Hugs* This is completely normal to have a thought or feeling like this. I sometimes think God gives us thoughts like this to remind us of all the blessings and joys our situation/path brings us, despite the challenges. You are one very special amazing mama!

  5. You are honest and strong and amazing. Your girls are lucky to have you.

  6. I'm here because of your comment on MBC. I have read several posts on your blog already & have laughed & cried with your stories! I am so inspired by you as a mother being so proactive in getting the best opportunities for your daughters! I look forward to reading more of your posts!