Happy 49th birthday to me! I’m spending the day by myself doing a few things for myself and reflecting on my life… So what have I learned?

• People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime…

I was raised in a large family, the oldest girl of six children, and it was a very dysfunctional family I might add, I know, I know seems like everyone comes from a dysfunctional family these days… but in my family it was “if you don’t talk about it, it never happened.” But the things that happened changed people… I know there is no going back but I often now wonder if I knew then what I know now, how different would I be? Would I have been the same child and teen and adult I have become today? Meh, we will never know… but I do know that I was “molded” by my family for better or worse and now I just have to move forward and grow…

As an adult I have tried to become more of a true “friend” to my friends… I have friends who have lost husbands, gotten divorced, been through cancer and I am trying to put other people in the forefront of my life and listen and learn from them because I truly believe that “all things happen for a reason,” why old friends come back into your life and you need to “listen” and the reason will come out in time…

• Life is tough! No one said it was going to be easy, but in the end it will all be worthwhile…

OK, I will be the first to admit it, I was not a “rich” kid… or a “spoiled” kid although my parents did dub me “I-need-a or I-want-a” but that didn’t mean I got it all or even remotely close… but I did have a home with food and clothes which were clean… My parents did pay for me to go to college although I was the “cheapest” college choice by far of the 6 of us, it was paid for… And they did help me from time to time… but again, having them turn against me and my family was very very tough… it’s been a little over a year and it gets easier but sometimes it just plain “sucks!” I look at my daughters and wonder how anyone could do this to their own flesh and blood?

Raising kids in this day and age is hard… We all do it, make hard choices, and hope we are doing right for our kids… Having 2 daughters one disabled and one a healthy has been a real big struggle. There was never the third child to add the balance or break the scale! Lol… It has been a struggle with time; do I spend to much time doing what needs to be done to help the disabled child, go to doctor’s, therapists, school meetings, become an advocate and a voice for her.. Or run all over god’s green earth shopping, becoming the cheer or pageant mom, traveling with the other and leaving the other behind… Who knows…? I can only pray that when Sarah is older she will understand the time it has taken to raise Hadley… And I’m not even going to go into the being “there” for Sarah through the mean girls, cyber bullying, crazy boyfriend drama, and life with a teen through the new days of technology that I never had… but I have seriously been there and done that…

• You can’t understand unless you have walked a mile in my shoes…

Raising a child with special needs is well, just plain exhausting… We spend hours and hours laboring over ways to help them, because as a mom that is what we do! But it is that extra push that all special needs mamas do… Becoming our children’s voice to get them the services they need… I know that Hadley is 18 and at this point unless a “magic wand” came down from the sky nothing is going to make her have a life that would equal that of Sarah’s.. But by the same token, through Hadley’s life so much has been changed in the world; children can now take their medicine easier because of the company Kenny founded… And special needs children do have a place to play all over the country because of the work that I have done. So rewarding yes, but at times I just wish that magic wand would come… because as a mom I just want to much for my little Hadley that she just won’t have… college, the white wedding dress, the picket fence…

• Eating, eating and more eating…

If you follow me on a regular basis you know I have recently come to the “earth shattering” realization tadahhhh that I am an Emotional Eater… Have been my whole life, but I am working on it… Since March… and it is much like any addiction it is “hard” work… Stopping to take care of one self although it is a necessary evil is hard but in the end it will be rewarding, I know I know… I don’t want anyone to think I’m breezing through this because it is seriously “one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time.”

This post has really been a stream of consciousness more than anything… no real editing, just thoughts that have come into my head on this morning of my 49th birthday!

In the end… I am thankful for my “inner circle” of friends and family who love and support me and I thank all of you for being a part of my life to!

Happy Birthday to me!!

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